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Divorce - 3 Common Behavior Patterns That Lead to Separation
By Christopher Hall
Arguments are a part of any relationship – especially a marriage. But arguments in themselves don’t cause divorce. The way arguments are handled cause divorce. Here are 3 common argument patterns that will certainly lead to divorce if you don’t fix them immediately. Withdrawal Most people don’t like conflict. Others just want to ignore their problems. That is why so many people withdraw when confronted with a problem in their marriage. They don’t want to confront the problem head-on, so they try to avoid it. But withdrawing never solves the problem. Withdrawing just causes the pursuer to push more which causes even more withdrawal. Escalation Whew, this is a tough one. In the early years of my marriage, escalating a problem was a habit of mine. Escalation is when you respond negatively and continuously up the ante so that the argument gets worse. Escalation gives one the feeling of power and control. But making a problem bigger than it is will always result in greater conflict and, in some cases, permanent relationship damage. Invalidation Invalidation is when a person degrades the thoughts or feelings of another person. This is so easy to do in an argument – especially when there is no right or wrong answer to the conflict. If someone cannot prove their point, it is natural to belittle the other person’s opinion. Statements like “You don’t know what you are talking about” or “I can’t believe you feel that way” are invalidation statements. Be careful of ever intentionally degrading your spouse – it is a dangerous, dangerous pattern. |
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